Story's Start At Last: Part I
by Freddy Isnot
Summary: SelfInsert. The Goddess of the Future, Skuld grants a wish to a high school kid named Freddy. Chaos and general weirdness ensues
1. SSAL part I

*Author's note* Alright, a few things. This is my first attempt at a fanfic. In fact this is probably the longest piece of work I've ever written. Second, please go easy on me, I don't write often and I know I'm pretty bad. Third, if you don't think this fits the OMG universe at all, err, well let's just say that I've haven't seen much of the anime or magna. I've just read other people's fanfics. If it makes it easier, just pretend that this isn't the OMG universe and it is just about some kid becoming a god. And yes, I am a kid writing this. So read and tell me what you think if you can find out my email address. And about this being a self-insert. I know they are evil, but I was weak and was seduced by the dark side of the Force. Hmm, well, that's close enough to the truth. Fourth, this is basically an experiment for me. I'm using this story to work on my style and plots and such. I'm still trying to figure out *how* to write so you will probably see several differences between each chapter/part. Tell me what you like and what you don't like! *  
  
* DISCLAMER * I've got no idea who owns what characters. But the Oh My Goddess characters do no belong to me. And Freddy is property of Freddy.  
  
Okay?  
  
{ } voices in RL, these are not a part of the story.  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"The client is too young, I can't grant him a wish yet!" The girl cried out, dropping her spoon in her ice cream at the same time in shock.  
  
"He isn't that young, besides there have been cases where wishes were granted to even younger kids." replied Urd with a mischievous smile pasted on her face.  
  
"Not since Joan of Arc! And we had to end a war in that case! There has to be a bug somewhere," resort Skuld, "besides, why do *I* have to grant a wish?! I thought that Belldandy is suppose to be doing that!" Skuld demanded.  
  
Urd sighed, she knew it was going to be hard to convince Skuld, but she had an ace up her sleeve.  
  
"First of all, Sis can't grant wishes, she has to stay with Keiichi, besides, it wasn't my idea! See?" she stuck the paper into Skuld's face, "There! I've got written orders from The Almighty. Apparently he wants you to get out a bit more and gain some experience in the world. You spend *way* too much time stuck in your room," and way too much time trying to interfere with our sister and her boyfriend. She added silently. Besides, I personally made sure that you would have to grant the wish of this guy. You need to see how it is to be in love with a mortal!  
  
Flashback to Urd tapping at a computer. She is laughing manically. It is obviously late at night and Urd is just a *little* drunk.   
  
"Ha ha ha! This will teach that brat! I just know that I'll be able to get them together! What is a little age difference for the Cupid of Love! After all, she is only a couple thousand years older than him. And he is just so perfect!!! All I got to do is move him up the list a little!"  
  
Back to the present   
  
With a smirk she tossed a somewhat thin folder onto the table in front of Skuld.  
  
"There, everything you need to know about your client." Except for a few tidbits that I've taken out to ensure that this client will hold a few surprises. And unknown to Urd, even more pages had been removed from the folder earlier for entirely different reasons.  
  
Skuld grumbled, "Oh alright! But you are going to owe me a lot of ice cream!" She read the folder and as her eyes came across a particularly important section she facefaulted. Recovering, she shouted, "Urd! How am I supposed to grant him a wish?! He doesn't even use a phone!!!"  
  
  
  
Story's Start At Last:  
  
Part I: "Zark, That Hurts!"  
  
An 'Oh My Goddess' self-insertion fanfic  
  
By Freddy Isnot (AKA Freddy)  
  
{Thanks to my editors}  
  
{That title sucks}  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Opening the door, I entered my home, and gave a gasp of relief at the sound of the a/c droning away. It is *hot* outside!  
  
"That feels better," I wiped off some sweat with the back of my hand. Locking the door behind me, I called out, "Mom, food?" Catching a view on myself in the mirror/door of the closet next to the front door I grinned at the picture of disarray I present. The reflection hit himself in the forehead with the heel of his hand as he cried out, "Stupid! Mom isn't home! That retreat thingy for two weeks." I paused trying to remember what happened and I came to four conclusions:  
  
One, Mom wasn't home so it would much harder for me to get something to eat.  
  
Two, I was home alone for about 2 weeks.  
  
Three, I really needed to comb my hair. A haircut probably wouldn't hurt either. My curly brown hair was starting to get in my eyes. Nah, won't happen, I just don't care enough.  
  
And last of all, why bother to eat when I could use the computer!  
  
Perhaps I should mention at this time how much time I spend on the computer. In two words: too much. I'm addicted to the Internet. I spend most of my waking hours reading email, traveling from site to site, playing online games, bugging the zark out of other people, and such. My current favorite game is an online, multiplayer role playing game I had only begun a couple weeks earlier. I have two characters in it, one a Ranger and the other an Empath (or also known as a Healer).  
  
I love that game. In it I'm not just some stupid nerd sitting in the corner reading a book. I'm a ranger who keeps getting lost or joking around with some friends while getting blown up by boxes. Or I can be a healer doing my best to save lives in hospitals or occasionally exploring the countryside to help whomever I can, while accidentally killing myself by trying to heal too many people. My characters' lives are nearly like stories, much more interesting than real life. I often wish I could have a life like that. Like a story. Wish I could have a different kind of life. That I could do something with my life.  
  
Land of Confusion, Genesis  
  
I made a beeline to for the kitchen and set a kettle of water on the fire and almost ritualistically prepared a cup of green tea. Keeping a careful eye on the brimming mug I took the steps three at a time bounding upstairs to my room, or rather, rooms. There are advantages to being the only child. One being that I had the entire third floor of the house for myself. Without bothering to shuck my jacket or my fedora, I sat myself down in front of the computer and logged onto the game. I connected instantly. Cable modems are the best!  
  
My ranger appeared where he had last been. In the middle of a forest. Hmm, maybe I could find some cougars to fight. I took my sling off of my belt and loaded it with a small rock. Normally Rangers used longbows or light to medium edged swords. However, I was trying to gain as much of a variety of different weapons skills as possible. I know how to fight with a longbow, sling, staff, light edged weapons, and also to just brawl with my bare hands. While most other people started and concentrated on only one or two weapon skills, I was a bit more diverse. It isn't a very smart strategy for the lower level characters, which is what I was.  
  
Anyway, I decided to work on my hiding skills as well and began sneaking from room to room, fairly confident that I would be able to sneak up on a cougar and be able to strike first. I met a few fellow rangers in my quest to find an open room to hunt in. We swapped a few hunting stories and then I continued. Fortunately the next room I entered was empty so I hid myself to wait for a cougar.  
  
I didn't get a chance to.  
  
No sooner had I hidden myself than a new character entered the room and I must admit that I was surprised at the name and title of the character. It is not too often that a player is allowed to name them self as a goddess as this "Skuld, Goddess of the Future" did.  
  
I spoke "in character" while remaining safely hidden.  
  
She looked around upon hearing my voice. "Is your name… Freddy?" Now I was *extremely* surprised. Players do *not* just go around casually talking "out of character" in this game. It is strictly forbidden and the punishment would be swift. And I was even more surprised that she knew my real name. My friends in real life would only recognize my character's name, and I seriously doubted that any of my friends played this game.  
  
By this time "Skuld, Goddess of the Future" had taken out some kind of beeping device. My surprise grew even further. Technology was one thing *not* allowed either. This person has to have been one of Gods, the programmers of the game. I never even knew that they played in the game like this – breaking so many of their own rules.  
  
Deciding to ignore game etiquette for a moment I spoke out of character as well, "Yeah, I'm Freddy. Why are you asking?"  
  
She straightened up and pointed out my hiding place forcing me to reveal myself. Another breech of game etiquette, one never points out other people's hiding places except under special circumstances. I swore silently to myself, she had better be a God, or rather a Goddess, else she would quickly find herself in a lot of trouble. Well, however much trouble that a young, inexperienced, level 6 Ranger could possibly produce. Which probably wouldn't be all that much.  
  
"I am Skuld, the Goddess of the Future, and I am here to grant you one wish." She intoned. Okay, maybe this was a special circumstance.  
  
"Huh? A God coming to grant me a wish?" I slipped back into my ranger persona. I was confused, I had never heard of the programmers ever doing this sort of thing. Granting favors or alteration to characters for completing quests or winning contests, maybe, but this? They don't just give out such things for free though, and I haven't been around long enough to do anything significant.  
  
"Goddess!" she insisted.  
  
"Oh, okay, a Goddess coming to grant me a wish? Are you really a programmer?" I doubted that anyone would intentionally pretend to be one, unless they were trying to steal passwords, but that didn't seem to be the case here.  
  
"Well, I'm not exactly a programmer, I'm a debugger." Well, I guess that made her a Goddess anyway. "But right now I've been assigned to the Goddess Relief Office and you have been selected because you have a good heart." She said annoyed. Okay, that answered a couple of questions, but it raised even more. For one, what is the Goddess Relief Office?  
  
"Good heart? Um, how would you know?"  
  
"Trust me, even though you are young, we have been watching you long enough to know." Well, my character was young. But why would they have been watching me?! Wait, I think I had read in the game news forums that the Gods were planning on doing something like that. Wow, they actually selected me!  
  
"Get over being so amazed and just wish." Now annoyance was clearly evident in her voice. If I didn't know better I would swear she could read my mind. She snickered, I frowned.  
  
"Uh, just what can I wish for?" Could I get an alteration done to my character? Or would it merely be for a special item of some sort or what? Maybe a purse filled with an endless supply of gold or something.  
  
"What don't you get here? It is a wish! Almost no limits or restrictions! A Class one wish! If you wanted to you could wish for the destruction of the world!" She frowned, "Though you probably wouldn't have been granted a wish if you were that kind of person." I'll say, if they actually did destroy the world in this game, it would take forever to write the new programming and rewrite the descriptions. Though it probably would be a really fun to play in a world like that. Then an idea struck me. I don't know where the idea came from but it just popped into my head. She did say anything, right? Could it be even remotely possible for me to become a programmer too? I know I'm underage, but it doesn't hurt to ask. My fingers tapped out my wish almost before I realized what I was wishing for.  
  
"I wish I could be God and help out people like you do. Could you teach me?"  
  
A couple months earlier I probably wouldn't even have thought of a wish like that. The being God part, particularly. I hold some rather strong religious beliefs though I often don't show it. One of them is that no one can be God. Not even in the game, but it was almost like a little voice inside of me was telling me to word my wish in exactly this manner.  
  
I was not prepared for the response.  
  
My innocent glass of water, which I had put aside, fairly exploded as a girl shot out of it. Don't ask me how, I haven't the foggiest. My confusion compounded when I discovered her levitating above me.  
  
That is when the fireworks began.  
  
Her body gave off a dazzling blaze of light as the sort of hum – the kind typically associated with the activation of doomsday weapons – grew. Energy crackled as I felt the hairs on the back of my head raise. I began to fear for my life.  
  
*What is going on?!* But I didn't have much time to think of this, for suddenly a beam of light shot up from her forehead and in a solemn voice, she said, "Your wish has been approved."  
  
This is when the second beam of light decided to hit me.  
  
Rather painfully I might add.  
  
Pain! Absolute, unadulterated, incomprehensive pain. As the light coursed through my body I felt as if I was being ripped apart and made anew. All of my darkness, all of my sins where sought out by the light and brunt away. It was a whole new meaning to the term, 'born again'. A detached portion of my mind was able to 'watch' as the light dug itself into my soul, cleansing me. It came upon a dark growth which didn't seem like it was quite right. As if it didn't belong. The spot of darkness refused to give itself up to the light. A battle raged in me. Just before unconsciousness claimed me, I observed the darkness scattering itself entirely throughout my soul.  
  
I must have been out only for mere seconds. I awoke to discover the light fading from the girl's and my body. My glasses were, for some reason, causing my eyes to water and cross. And my entire body felt like it had been ripped apart then put back together with duct tape. Blinking hard I took my glasses off and suddenly I was able to see clearly. For the first time in ten years I had a perfect vision! My senses were almost overwhelming me, they all seemed sharper as the world came into focus. As a result, it also sharpened my pain.  
  
Trying my best to organize my thoughts I spoke out loud very slowly,  
  
"Do I want to know what just happened?"  
  
Chapter 3  
  
In Heaven a computer terminal flashed warningly.  
  
Warning: Wish granting restriction diagnostics have been temporarily suspended.  
  
Resume subroutine? Y/N  
  
A finger tapped on the Y.  
  
Wish granting restriction diagnostics now resumed.  
  
A minor deity standing before the terminal raised a wrist to glance at a jeweled watch before reaching for the phone. Dialing an insanely long number then waited for three rings before the phone was picked up on the other side.  
  
"Sir, its been done."  
  
"Not a problem, sir. Just remember, you owe me one."  
  
As the phone was replaced, the deity casually remarked, "Wonder what that was all about anyway, there weren't any wishes scheduled for today, were there?"  
  
Chapter 4  
  
The next thing I noticed with my newfound sight was that the girl was no longer levitating. Instead, gravity seemed to have kicked back in. She was now rapidly falling forward… directly on top of me.  
  
"Ahhhhh!" I instinctively raised my arms in an effort to both catch her and protect myself.  
  
I was not entirely successful. Meaning, I accomplished the former but not the latter.  
  
As I caught her, the unexpected weight caused my very expensive leather office chair to topple (That wasn't surprising it was completely fried, and it smelt fried too. Burnt leather, ugh) spilling both of us onto the floor. However, I somehow managed to twist my body to take the entire fall and allow the girl to land on top of the nearest soft object, namely, me.  
  
I Want You (She's So Heavy), The Beatles  
  
Needless to say, I found myself in a great deal more pain. I had the breath knocked out of me and I had to gasp to breathe. Yet, in my stomach there was a certain sinking feeling as if to say, "Call this pain, you haven't even felt anything yet!" Or maybe that was just the girl's elbow?  
  
"Get off of me! PERVERT!" Came the scream in my ear.  
  
I winced, and tried to move and found myself unable to, "Sorry, but it seems that you are on top of me."  
  
We both scrambled to our feet, and I tried to keep my eyes to myself while she fumed, hefting a rather silly looking sledgehammer in what I supposed was a threatening manner.  
  
"You stupid mortal, you! Can't you get anything right?" I instantly picked up the 'mortal'.  
  
"Excuse me, but I'm a teenager, I'm still immortal as far as I'm concerned." I'd gone over this argument with my parents enough times (whenever I do something stupid and dangerous) that the words came smoothly to me, "and who are you?!"  
  
"We've already gone over introductions, remember?" she said with exasperation evident in her voice.  
  
"Uh, we have?" I took a look at her, trying to remember if I had ever seen her before. Of course, she could be telling the truth that we had met; I am notorious for my poor memory. At any rate, I was pretty sure that I would remember a girl who could jump out of a glass.  
  
"I'm Skuld, Goddess of the Future." She said as if that would explain everything.  
  
"A Goddess? A real goddess? Ah zark! That means the wish… Um, was does that mean?" I blurted with an edge of hysteria in my voice. I adopted a nervous grin while chanting in my mind, I must not fear…  
  
She paused for a moment then leapt for the fax phone next to the computer, which happened to be the only phone on the entire floor, and proceeded to dial an impossibly long number.  
  
"Uh, no long distance calls please?" I protested weakly to which she responded with a fierce glare. I withered and continued to smile nervously.  
  
"The wish that just went through, did it just grant what I think it granted? IT DID WHAT! But… What do you mean the second part entails that I train him? I can't take him home with me! You have ANY idea how much Urd is going to tease me?" As her voice grew I began to edge for the stairs. Even if I was crazy, I was not crazy enough to stay in a room with an infuriated girl, even if she wasn't a goddess.  
  
Unfortunately, she noticed and I clearly heard a, "Oh no, you're not running out on me now!" She threw a small sphere at me, and instinctively, I caught it, pondering for a moment over whether or not I should toss it back.  
  
I ponder *way* too much  
  
*BOOM*  
  
I gradually woke up. Meaning, I was shocked into waking up by being splashed with water. This isn't unusual for me since this was my father's usual way of waking me up and I reacted as I normally would. I rolled out of bed. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't in a bed.  
  
As I most painfully discovered, I was right where I had last been… next to the stairs.  
  
Actually, that was probably the best thing that had happened to me yet. As I laid moaning at the foot of the stairs I was able to give my current situation a very good thinking over. It went somewhat like this:  
  
Okay, I've now declared myself insane, but that is normal. I'm currently in more pain than the last time I've… zark, I can't even remember the last time I've been in this much pain.  
  
Of course, that is also normal.  
  
So what is not normal?  
  
Simple, that girl isn't.  
  
Well, how do I know that she isn't normal? Normal is a relative you know.  
  
Yeah, but, relative to me, she ain't normal.  
  
Hey, what do you mean? Are you saying I'm more normal than her? How dare you!  
  
Hey, stop arguing!  
  
Oh zark off!  
  
WAAAH! That's mean!  
  
Sorry, anyway, what has just happened?  
  
I fell down the stairs?  
  
Well thank you for pointing out the blatantly obvious!  
  
You're welcome.  
  
Anyway, what else has happened to me.  
  
I've have been granted a wish.  
  
Really? What wish?  
  
I think I've just got a job.  
  
Ugh, work. Well, as what? As a programmer? Debugger?  
  
Ich weiss nicht. {"Ich weiss nicht" German for "I know not"}  
  
Du weiss nicht? Zark. {"Du weiss nicht" German for "You know not"}  
  
So how do I find out what job I got?  
  
Well, I suppose I have to ask that girl.  
  
Of course, now let's get up and let that girl know I'm alive.  
  
Okay! Hey GET UP!  
  
With a groan I slowly pushed myself up to a halfway sitting position. Carefully straightening my limbs, testing to see if everything was still working. The first thing I noticed (other than the pain) was laughter.  
  
"Th.. ha ha.. so incredibly… heh heh ha!" She seemed unable to continue speaking.  
  
"How about, incredibly painful," I muttered. I brushed off some of my charred clothing. Zark, I had liked that shirt too. Of course it was only a blue one (and I hated blue), but it had been a nice blue one.  
  
"I've never seen anyone so stupid!" she explained after she had her laughter under control, "Well, except maybe for my sister, Urd." She added after giving it a little more thought.  
  
I, being temporarily – well, at least I hoped it was only temporary – unable to stand due to the pain, was still sitting at the bottom of the stairs while Skuld was perched happily on the bottom step.  
  
"Great, could we stop this now? Perhaps get onto something important. Like what has just happened!?!"  
  
"You rolled down a flight of stairs." She snickered.  
  
"ENOUGH WITH THE STAIRS!!!" I winced. Zark, that hurts. "I mean, what was with all the lights and floating and," I winced again from the memory, "and the pain? Did I really get a wish granted?"  
  
"Well, the 'lights and floating' was me granting your wish, so yes, you really did get a wish granted."  
  
"Uh, and if I remember correctly, I wished to work with you."  
  
"Yep." Maker! She was certainly being annoying.  
  
"Could you please tell me just what that means?"  
  
"Oh, apparently you've just become a god. Though I'm not quite sure if I like this contract."  
  
"Contract? What contract? And I just became a programmer?"  
  
She scowled, "You just became a god. That's where all the pain came from. And the contract is the second part of your wish."  
  
"What? You've got to teach me how to be a god?" It wasn't quite sinking in at the point. I was still stuck on trying to figure out what *her* job was.  
  
"More or less. Come on, I better take you home." I suddenly grew very apprehensive of going to the home of a strange FLOATING girl. Besides, I still couldn't stand up. The fact that I was a god hadn't sunk in yet.  
  
"Uh, I'm in a little pain here. Unless you can carry me, I don't think I'll be moving anywhere for a little while." I hissed slightly in pain while trying to straighten my legs.  
  
"What? Oh don't worry," she grabbed my hand, "just don't let go." I didn't like that little smirk on her face. She produced a glass of water – the same one she arrived in – and jumped in, dragging me after.  
  
  
  
Chapter 5  
  
From behind a potted plant a very small person fell over howling in laughter. Not small as in a midget, but small as in, "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids". A figure just a few inches tall. A figure that was quite obviously female.  
  
"THAT WAS PERFECT!!!" She nearly shrieked with glee. "I couldn't have planned it better myself. That wish will make sure that he has to stay with the little brat!" She frowned for a moment, "Though that wish really shouldn't have gotten through, the system should have caught it before it got granted. I wonder who is supposed to be watching it rig…" She broke off as a few very important facts hit her head. Her job, system administration. Her job, to make sure the system works. The system just didn't work. The wishing restrictions programmed into the really should have kept that wish from ever happening. Urd groaned and slumped down next to the flowerpot.  
  
"Oh shit, I'm in so much trouble now."  
  
Chapter 6  
  
The kid's mode of travel is disconcerting to say the least. I've never been much for swimming, and I have certainly never been much for jumping into a glass of water not large enough to stick your fist in. On the plus side, it was also much more fun than roller coaster, except it didn't include the banging your head against the side of your seat, but I was quite alright with that.  
  
We managed to arrive without too many mishaps. I managed to keep my lunch (I think I've already had lunch, but wasn't quite sure) from being forcibly rejected from my body or injuring myself further. Our destination was apparently a pot of  
  
"BELLDANDY!" I winced from the volume of her voice. I'm really a very quiet person and not that good with loud noises.  
  
A lady – obviously Belldandy – entered with a smile on her face. "Oh hello Skuld! Back already from your assignment already? Who is your friend?"  
  
"He is my assignment. Could you heal him? He sort of got hurt." Skuld actually looked a bit embarrassed.  
  
"Skuld! Did you try to blow him up?" the woman scolded, "I've talked you about that." Wait, she does this all the time?  
  
"I only hit him once! All the other injuries he did himself!" Skuld said defensively.  
  
"*Yawn* Hey, little Sis, finally got a boyfriend?" A new woman asked from the doorway. I wondered whom she was referring to. I took one look at her and hastily averted my eyes. She was wearing a *much* too revealing… Um, what was that she was wearing anyway? A nightgown? In the middle of the day? And why was she smirking as if she knew exactly what was going on? If she did, I really wanted to know.  
  
"No Urd! This is my client!" Skuld replied a bit hurriedly.  
  
"Pity, such a cute one too." Who was she talking about? Urd bent down to take a good look at me, causing that already not very concealing, for the lack of a better word, nightgown, to conceal even less, "So why did you bring a client home? And why is he all beat up? Wait, don't tell me you did that. Ah, you probably did." She smirked at us.  
  
"I didn't beat him up! He did it himself! Besides, Belldandy was just about to heal him!"  
  
"Yes of course." Before I could react, and I'm not sure what I would have done if I could, Belldandy held up a glowing hand of white light. She touched me and a brilliant flash forced me to close my eyes for a moment. I took the moment to quickly think this over again.  
  
"Uh, g'day. You're a goddess too?" I asked with trepidation. I was rewarded with a smile and a nod.  
  
I tried straightening my leg again and found that I was now free of pain. Hmm, she can heal people with glowing light. Yep, she was a goddess. I stood up.  
  
"Um, good day. I'm Freddy, happy to meet you." I offered her my hand.  
  
Smiling, she took it and we shook politely, "I'm Belldandy, Goddess of the Present." she gestured to Urd, "And this is my older sister, Urd."  
  
"Yeah, I'm Urd, Goddess of the Past and Cupid of Love." She said with flourish while leering at me. Okay, crazy person. Wait a min… I'm calling a goddess, crazy? Something is off here.  
  
"Um, nice to meet you too." I really wanted to curl up with a good book somewhere far away from here. A nice quiet temple in Japan, yeah, that sounded good. Curled up with a nice sci-fi book, maybe read a Heinlein book; those were always good at restoring me to common sense. "Excuse me, but what has just happened? All I get is that I've been hurt a lot." Urd smirked, "Well kid, you are my little sister's client and for some reason – which I *really* look forward to hearing – she brought you home." Skuld winced slightly.  
  
"Home? And where would that be?"  
  
Another smirk, "Japan." Okay, maybe I would rather be reading a book somewhere else.  
  
At this time Belldandy decided to intervene. "Freddy, would you care for some tea?"  
  
"Err, tea? Yes, please." Tea was fine. Tea was normal. It couldn't kill me. Could it?  
  
As I sat pondering this, another argument broke out between Urd and Skuld.  
  
"He's not staying in my room! We have a guest room, he can stay there." I actually agreed with Skuld on that one. Though I would really prefer to stay at home, yes home, away from all this nonsense. And by the Maker! I forgot to log off my character! What if he gets killed?!  
  
"Oh come on sis, you don't think he is good enough for you?" I almost missed this as I bemoaned the fate of my character that I had spent so long on.  
  
Just as the arguing was about to escalate into another fight, the phone rang.  
  
Belldandy picked it up. "Hello?" she said pleasantly, "Oh, hello, Almighty!" Skuld and Urd looked a little worried and began shouting again, this time in the general direction of the phone.  
  
"It was all that little brat's fault!"  
  
"Was not! She started it!"  
  
"Oh shut up!"  
  
Belldandy motioned for them to be quiet and uncovered the microphone.  
  
"You were calling for Freddy?" I perked up at this, a phone call for me? Those were rare, though they usually ended up being from the library demanding that I return their books to them. Zark, don't see why they are in such a fuss over a few dozen library books missing. Not like anyone has read them since the last decade or anything.  
  
"Oh you want to see him… and Skuld. Yes Almighty, I'll tell Urd. Have a nice day!" She hung up the phone.  
  
"Freddy, the Almighty wants to see you."  
  
"Okay." I continued to sit there. Did they want me to do something?  
  
Skuld whapped me on the back of the head, "You idiot, she means now! Come on Urd." She began to drag me and I wondered at her strength, she certainly didn't look strong with those scrawny arms of hers. Though you gotta admit, she was a cute little kid. Oh and here we are outside. Um, why is it dark? It is the middle of the day. Oh right, Japan, different time zone. I checked my watch as the kid dragged me down a flight of stairs. Well, it was only a little past 16:00 for me.  
  
Oh, here is some light. Hey, why is it surrounding us like that? I felt the urge to express my stupidity.  
  
"Hey, look at that, we're floating." Mission accomplished! I sounded extremely stupid. May as well look the part as well, I pasted a rather idiotic grin on my face. Hey, if you can't deal with it, smile at it. Helps a lot.  
  
"Quiet, we'll be there soon. This is all your fault you know!"  
  
I shut up.  
  
The next thing I knew, we were in heaven. Literally.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
How does one describe Heaven? It was… heavenly. No, all joking aside, it actually seemed a bit old fashioned for my tastes. Well, I suppose that is to be expected from a place that was created practically at the beginning of the universe.  
  
We found ourselves in a large camp. I mean really large. You know those vacation spots where they allow you to camp and there are like a zillion people there? Well, this place had probably a few thousand times more tents and people than that.  
  
Another thing, these people were ready for war. Everyone was armed in one way or other. I saw swords, guns, bows, artillery pieces, and lots of other really dangerous looking stuff. Wait a min… Was that a pair of chopsticks that guy was using to flip people over his shoulder?  
  
I nervously glanced at the two sisters who seemed to be fighting again.  
  
"We go this way!" The younger girl – the kid – announced with vehemence in her voice.  
  
The elder lady glared back, "Oh, don't you know anything! It is *this* way!"  
  
I decided to intervene at this point. "Um, excuse me, but where are we and what, or rather, why are where here?" I asked in my most timid and non-threatening voice. They did not even spare a glance in my direction as the kid began to throw what seemed to be a sort of explosive devices (just where did she carry them anyway?) and the lady called down lightning from the… wait how could she call it down from the heavens when we already were in the heavens?  
  
Hmm, looks as if it was time to ditch this party. I backed off and nearly bumped into a young man, didn't look much older than me, maybe 18 or 19, dressed in some flowing robes. He smiled wryly at the fight, which was beginning to draw in some of the soldiers. I mumbled an apology and he shifted his gaze to me.  
  
"I'm sorry about this, the Almighty was afraid something like this might happen. Those two are known for their infamous fights. Ah well, 'children shall be children.' At least the Einheriar shall get some extra practice today." He sniffed slightly. I raised my eyebrows at this. *This *does* happen all the time? Well, that was just… Zarky*  
  
"Um, that's nice. Now what?" I certainly had no idea as to what to do now.  
  
"Now you follow me." At this he spun around on his heel and began to stride away. Well, it was something to do at least.  
  
There was something about this guy's arrogance. Though you must admit, he did have the air of someone who was arrogant because he deserved it. Just watching him walk down the street was enough to see his cool calm confidence and he radiated competence… At whatever it was he did. This was the sort of person who could do anything and was willing to do anything to get it done. I ran to catch up.  
  
"Where are we going now?" I asked when I caught up, and we turned onto a wide street paved with gold.  
  
" 'We' are going to the Almighty's office, where *you* will see him to discuss your wish." He replied while giving a few people dirty looks when they, for some reason or other, decided to cross to the opposite side of the street upon sight of us.  
  
"Um, exactly who is this 'Almig…" I paused in mid-step as I realized where else I've heard this title from, "Wait a min… You don't mean…"  
  
"The Creator, the First and Last, the Alpha and Omega, the Almighty, the Lord God." He droned, finishing for me.  
  
I blinked. "I'm dead, ain't I?"  
  
He stopped as well and turned to give me an amused look.  
  
"And I'm always going to treasure that look on your face. No my friend, you aren't dead. In fact, there isn't much that could actually kill you now since you aren't mortal either."  
  
I stared at him blankly.  
  
He sighed, "You still don't understand, do you? Listen very carefully now because I'm only going to explain this once for your benefit. Your wish was to have a job working with the Goddess Skuld. Though I don't know why you ever want something so torturous… Therefore, in order for that wish to be fulfilled and for you to have that job, you must become a god. I leave you to figure out the rest. But now we really must be going. The Almighty has to set your title and class and it isn't nice to keep your new employer waiting. Especially this one." He smirked and began walking again while I numbly followed. Now the full meaning of the wish hit. Maker! I was to be a god! God of what? That's a good question. I spent a few minutes entertaining myself with different possible titles and finally came up with, "The God of Pointless Games." It fit me; I certainly play enough of 'em.  
  
Just as I began to consider whether or not golf would be included is when I nearly bumped into my guide.  
  
"We are here." He announced and chuckled as I gaped. However impressive the rest of heaven might have been, it paled in comparison to this… It was hardly a building, more of a temple, monument, and any number of other things all superbly designed to making it a house fit for the Lord of Lords himself to live in.  
  
I wanted one.  
  
"Now go inside and tell the secretary your name. You will be directed from there."  
  
Unable to tear my eyes away from God's house, I tried to convey my immeasurable appreciation for all that my guide had done. "Um, thanks."  
  
He smiled, "No problem."  
  
I finally managed to drag my gaze away to look at him. Except that he had vanished.  
  
"Zark, and I didn't even get his name." I mumbled, "Oh well, might as well go in." I straightened up and brushed off the more charred remnants of my clothing then climbed up the steps and entered.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
I look around at the garden. It was beautiful. Filled with plants and flowers that were quite pleasing to senses.  
  
I took a deep breath and began to sway back and forth as I grew a little giddy from the heady smell. A slight smile grew on my lips as I recalled memories from my youth of days in the sun, exploring the small garden my mother tended.  
  
It made for quite a happy thought as long as I took care to remember that my mother never did take care of a garden. I never did like playing in gardens when I found them (I was much more concerned with eating the produce from 'em). And even if I had, I never would have remembered it. Zark, I can't even remember if I… Wait I did. Okay, never mind then.  
  
I would have been quite happy to have kept swaying there, basking in the smells and sunlight (wait a min… Aren't we inside?). Except a very loud, very noble, very *annoyed* voice cut through my little fantasies which involved hopping through the forest while bopping field mice on the head. Though, why would *field* mice be in a *forest* is anybody's guess.  
  
I quickly grew confused.  
  
Running reality check…  
  
Check, an annoyed voice coming from somewhere.  
  
Check, I was swaying back and forth very much like hippies did at Woodstock after consuming/inhaling/injecting/etc. various substances that are *not* good for one's body or mind (though it may seem like it at the time).  
  
Check, I was unbearably happy for some reason as of yet unknown.  
  
Check, reality is not as you perceive it!  
  
The voice spoke again and this time I actually paid attention.  
  
*Gasp!* I think hell has frozen over!  
  
*BAM* Zark off!  
  
But anyway, back to the voice.  
  
"Enter My presence… NOW!" I began laying odds on whether or not this was the Voice of God. Then pausing for a moment I considered that if this was indeed the Voice of God I really ought to start moving and do just as it asked. Yes, that sounded like a very good idea, a great way to ensure that I lived a bit longer.  
  
Then I paused again and realized I had no idea how I would "ENTER MY PRESENCE", as the voice had commanded. I began to get very worried.  
  
"Um, okay. How?" I asked in my meekest voice. I also began laying odds on whether or not I would survive this. *15 on lightning at least once! 20 on a meteor!* Yes, the voices in my head were betting on how I would expire. I made a note to talk to them later.  
  
"Follow the path."  
  
I blinked. Ah yes, the path I had originally been following. The only path that ran through this garden. The one that the secretary out in the lobby had told me to follow. That sounds quite reasonable. Why hadn't I thought of that.  
  
HEY! Get going!  
  
Right-o!  
  
I half-jogged, half-walked down the path. I guess it would be best describe as a lope, or maybe a skip. Anyway, I got down the path and came into a large clearing. In the middle, *floating* in a chair was The Creator, the First and Last, the Alpha and Omega, the Almighty, the Lord God. My Maker.  
  
You're A God, Vertical Horizon  
  
I blinked. At a first glance he didn't look at all impressive.  
  
He looked like your average, run-of-the-mill guy. Well, I couldn't find anything to complain about actually, his appearance was immaculate. I couldn't quite make out his face but I somehow sensed his expression. That wasn't the reason why I knew he was God. The reason was the *feeling*.  
  
He exuded glory, holiness, power, might, love… He just *felt* like God.  
  
"So, you are the Mortal who has all of My heavens in an uproar." He remarked casually.  
  
I didn't quite know what to say so I went with what I usually ended up saying.  
  
"Um, sorry about that. I, uh, wasn't… didn't…" I began to stumble over my words. Talking to your Lord and Maker does fluster one a tad.  
  
"It is quite alright. Though you *are* going to have to deal with it."  
  
"Er, I do?"  
  
He smiled, "You will discover My meaning soon enough." I didn't like the sound of that. "But now you must be bestowed with your new title and class." He paused, "Fortunately, there is a position open, and I believe it would suit you quite well." Hey! Was that a smirk?! Am I accusing my Lord and Maker of smirking at me? Well, yes I am. He isn't smirking *at* you! He is smirking *with* you! *BAM!* Quiet.  
  
"Now, My son, approach me." I hesitantly stepped forward.  
  
"Repeat after me. 'Before my Lord, I, Freddy Isnot, accept my Lord's gift and swear to employ it for Good." He paused and looked at me. I repeated it word for word.  
  
"I swear to be true and faithful, and love all which my Lord loves and shun all which he shuns, according to his laws and the order of the world. Nor will I ever with will or action, through word or deed, do anything which is unpleasing to him, on condition that he will hold to me as I shall deserve it, and that he will perform everything as it was in our agreement when I submitted myself to him and chose his will." He intoned.  
  
Slowly and stumbling over the words I managed to repeat the oath.  
  
With a smile he touched my forehead with a forefinger. At the touch my eyes flew wide open.  
  
From the one spot where the Almighty was touching Freddy, his power poured out. Almost like liquid it poured down, covering every part of Freddy.  
  
Beneath the finger and on his cheeks, markings blazed into existence. A grayish-green diamond within a diamond. His charred clothing rewove itself into attire fit for a god. A shimmering tunic and pants of nearly every color imaginable. It seemed to flutter in an unseen breeze at its colors flowed together. Over his shoulders a cloak of plush, faded gray, unfurled and felled down his sides. On his limp arms bracers of some unidentified leather formed and matching greaves. On his finger, beside the wedding ring that had been given to him for safekeeping, an ornate ring of gold molded itself, fitting exactly.  
  
The light encased him one final time before leaving Freddy filled with his new powers and dressed in his new garments.  
  
He stepped back and blinked, "Wow." Then for a good measure he repeated it again, "Zarkin' wow."  
  
The Almighty smiled warmly, "You have now taken on the office of the God of the Myth." 


	2. SSAL part II

*Synopsis* so far our hero, Freddy, has received a wish from Skuld, the Goddess of the Future.  For some unknown reason he wished to be god.  The last part ended w/ the Almighty granting him the position of the God of the World as Myth.

**Prologue**

Wandering Heaven, Urd and Skuld - having finally finished their fight - were searching for Freddy.  Skuld was quickly growing impatient, and as a result, got into another fight with Urd. 

*****

In Hell, a message was delivered to a little known hell lord.  He was a very bored hell lord at that.  As his eyes scanned the message, a smile of glee twisted itself into shape.  

At last, something to do.  If this message was correct, there was a new god in town.  And if he had anything to do with it, it would be one that would Fall very quickly indeed.  

  


**Chapter 1**

Freddy leapt down the stairs in front of the Almighty's house trying to make his new clothing - particularly the cloak - to flutter dramatically behind him.  It was quite interesting to do actually.  He discovered that he just had to will it and a slight breeze began to tug at his clothing.

Well, that was certainly fun.  He thought to himself.  And not nearly as painful.  Things were starting to look good.  He had talked to his maker, hadn't died, and was now a god!  Things were going very well indeed.  Nothing could impact his mood now except for maybe...

"FREDDY!"  Said god winced and turned to the source of the shout, eyeing the two angry ladies coming towards him.  Scratch that, one *very* angry girl (cute little girl!  Emphasized a voice in his mind) stomping up to him.  The older one just looked... amused as she followed at a brisk pace.

She has that smirk again!  Quick!  Run for your lives!

"G' day..." said Freddy in an impressive effort of self-control (I will not run away from a girl) when he suddenly realized that he had completely forgotten their names.  Warning!  Keep foot from entering mouth!  "Err, I just spoke to God."  Good idea, distract 'em! He held out one of the printouts that the Maker had given him.  "Um, apparently you have some new orders."

The younger girl completely ignored God's written word.  Not a good sign.  However, the older one snatched the printout began reading it eagerly.

"WHY DID YOU SNEAK AWAY LIKE THAT?"  The younger girl asked, her eyes blazing with righteous fury and Freddy cringed, on the verge of reinvent what some would have recognized as the Crouching Tiger technique (AKA groveling with your face in the ground).

Actually that was a scream/demand.  'Asked' is not a strong enough word.  Yeah, definitely not a good sign.

"Shut up Sis!  Look at this!  I'm a Goddess First class again!"  Freddy sighed in relief as the girl shifted her attention away from him.  

Saved.  And why am I so scared of a little girl?  

A *cute* little girl!  

Still little.

Well how am I supposed to deal with her?  I can't exactly pull any rank here.  This is a zarkin' goddess we're talkin' about here!  The other voice in his head fell silent.

"What!  No way!  You can't be a higher class than me!!!"  The girl grabbed the printout and began reading it furiously.  

Oh zark, Freddy thought to himself.  I haven't known these two for even an hour and already I can tell this looks like another fight.

Story's Start At Last:

Part II: Trouble Stirred Up

An 'Oh My Goddess' self-insertion fanfic

By Freddy Isnot (AKA Freddy)

  


**Chapter 2**

Skuld glared at Freddy, then at Urd.  She was having a hard time deciding whom she should be madder at.  Needless to say, things were getting kind of confusing for her.  First this was this upstart mortal WHO DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER HER NAME!!!!  And now she was expect to take him on as an apprentice!  Then there was Urd... Need there be anything more said about her?  How could Urd have gotten promoted again was beyond her.  

Freddy glanced nervously at Skuld.  No way I'm forgetting her name again, either of their names.  He winced as he felt the sore bump on his head that he had received for his momentary lapse of memory.  It had been painful.  Well, lots of things of late had been.  He glanced at Skuld again; this had got to be her fault.  Well, either that or it is all Steve's fault.  Yes, it's always Steve's fault!!!  He brightened as he thought, Oh well, at least I'm not bored!

                        Urd was in the air doing her own little 'Happy happy' dance.  She was happy – No, 'ecstatic' fit a little better.  YES!!  I'm a goddess first class again!  IN YOUR FACE SKULD!  HAHAHA!  I knew it was good idea to get that kid a wish! Now if I can just get those two interested in each other!  Technically, she is only a few thousand years older than him in spirit while a couple years younger than him physically.  But that is no obstacle for the Cupid of Love!

            Needless to say, not one of the trio was paying any attention to their surroundings.  As they quickly discovered when a group of gods and goddesses encircled them.  Revise that, a group of *angry* gods and goddesses.  

            "Halt!  We want the boy."  Their spokesperson thundered.  It was a rather big and menacing looking spokesperson.  Six and a half feet high if an inch, arms thicker than Freddy's legs, a fist resting on the battleaxe strapped to his belt.  The sort of spokesperson that expects to have demands met without having to speak it.

Freddy looked up at the group of big, buff, very dangerous looking gods.  Most of them were wielding a weapon, whether it be for bashing, thrashing, or slashing, and they looked rather eager to use them.  WAAHHH!!! WHY ME?!?!  Freddy didn't even notice Skuld and Urd backing up to him, protecting him.  Or would that be to hide behind him?

Skuld had some new people to glare at.  Now there were these gods trying to interfere with *her* client!  She wouldn't have any of it!  Letting her anger show she barked "You stay away!  He is my apprentice!" as if she could knock them aside with a wave of anger.

The large god stood unperturbed "He is a mortal trying to pretend to be a god, we won't stand for it.  We demand that he gives up his godhood."  

            Great, just zarking great!  Freddy thought, Jealous gods.  And using a time tested method of getting out of trouble that he utilized very often, Freddy kept his mouth shut while looking innocent.

Use *big* smile!  And if this really gets out of hand, we'll be forced to use the dreaded final technique of the SHS Fencing Team!  

Which is?  

Run away!  Run away!  Run away!  A portion on his mind snorted at this.

"Hey boys, there's nothing you can do."  Urd floated lazily up to them, "We have to fulfill the kid's wish.  Besides, if we start breaking contracts now, what will Belldandy think?  You know how she feels about contracts; she just might get angry if you try to break her little sister's contract with the kid here."

At this the entire group winced, "Ah, yes, we wouldn't want to anger Belldandy."  The spokesperson shuddered as if recalling some chilling event.  Various members of the group call out, "Yeah, remember the *last* time?"  "I'm still paying the shrink."  "I don't wanna diiiieeee!!!"

Freddy blinked.  Twice.

The spokesperson mustered up some courage and declared, "But we can't just allow this mortal to become a god.  I've looked at the wish myself and that wish should never have been granted.  Besides, we gods have a reputation to maintain!  What would people think if we just let anyone into our ranks?  "

"But it was granted and the Almighty approved of it.  So what do you want the kid to do?  Jump through hoops?"

"You may not execute the boy."  A new voice called from outside the little gathering.

Everyone swiveled his or her heads to see the newcomer.  Freddy lit up into a cheerful grin.  It was his guide.  Maybe I can now find out his name!

Skuld's eyes narrowed as she frowned at him, "What do you want, Haman?"  She asked in frosty voice.  What's her problem?  Wondered Freddy.

"Merely to help," he stated indifferently, striding between the two groups, "I couldn't but help notice the commotion you people are causing.  Half the heavens already know about it."

"This does not concern you, Haman."  The spokesperson stated.

"I've taken a personal interest into this," Haman looked at Freddy with a friendly smile.  Freddy grinned and waved in return.

Skuld humphed.

"Now what was it you wanted again?  And how can we get it without killing the boy in the process?"

  


**Chapter 3**

"What you do you mean I got off easy?"  Freddy demanded.

"I mean that you could have died!  You actually have a chance of staying alive now.  Trials don't happen often, but whatever happens in them is very strictly enforced.  If you can get a ruling in your favor it will be a lot better than having 'his head parted from his shoulders and impaled upon a spike in front of the gates of Heaven.' "

The trio, well, now the duo (Urd had left on an assignment from The Almighty) were once again on their way thru Heaven.  Now to gather the materials and supplies that Freddy would need as a god.  

Freddy winced at the thought, "Okay, okay, maybe you got a point there.  Though I still don't like this.  Especially when they agreed to giving a year to prove my worthiness as a god because, 'We'll want to come up with an imaginative execution.' "

"Oh stop whining.  You are the one who made the wish.  It is your fault that I had to stay up in the middle of the night just to grant it!  And now it is your fault that half of the heavens despise me!"

            "Oh, um, sorry about that.  I didn't mean to…" he slumped slightly.  Oh zark, why do I always have to do this sort of thing.

            Skuld sighed, "No, it's not your fault."  

            "Right."  Freddy straightened up, Can't get depressed now. "So what happens to me now then?  I've got to do those 'labors', which - might I add - sound like they are going to be really hard.  I mean, why else would they call it a 'labor'?"  

            "Oh they are, but don't worry too much.  If you complete them well the council will rule in favor of letting you keep your godhood.  I'll be on the council that will choose your labors.  So will Haman and Urd."  She frowned.

            "What do you have against them anyway?  You keep fighting with Urd, and Haman… well, even I was able to pick up that you didn't like him that much."

            "Err, well, no one really likes Haman.  He works directly for The Almighty and actually talks to Him on a regular basis.  That makes him think that he can boss everyone around.  And Urd, she is just my sister.  We've been fighting since forever.  And now that she had become a Goddess first class again, she is going to be rubbing it in my face for the next century!"

            "Um, that's another thing I don't get…"

            "Geez, you don't get much, do you?"

            Freddy smiled at the comment, "Um, yeah, it always has been like that.  But anyway, what is with the different classes?"

            "That's simple; the class of the god or goddess determines how much power and responsibility they can have."

            "Oh, I suppose that I have a class too, huh?"

            "Yeah, let me see that sheet The Almighty gave you."  Skuld reached out for the sheet.

            Freddy tried to remember back to the last half hour.  "Uh, Urd took it."

            "No stupid!  Not that one, the other one!" Skuld said exasperated

            "Oh, um," Freddy began digging in his pockets, "here." He held out the crumpled sheet of paper and she snatched it away.  

            "Well, this says you will become a 3rd class god with a limited license.  But you have an Earth Training License while I train you."

            "So I guess I can say that means I'm not very powerful, huh?"  Freddy asked.

            She nodded.  "Yes, you could say that."  

            "And I guess I'm not to be trusted with very much responsibility."  

            "You could say that as well."  She nodded again.

            Freddy smiled, "Great, you'd have to be an idiot to give me any responsibility.  So exactly how much power and responsibility do I have?"

            "Um, let me see that sheet again."  

            "It is still in your hand."  Freddy pointed out.  Skuld wasn't paying attention though as she was already reading thru the rest of the paper.  Freddy moved behind Skuld and was using his height to look over her shoulder.

            "So, what does it say?" he inquired.

            "You are the God of the Myth!"  She exclaimed.

            The name held no meaning for him.  "Yeah, so what?"

            Skuld was unable to reply due to the fact that she laughing too hard.

            "What's that suppose to mean?!" He snapped.

            After she finished laughing - well stopped enough that she could talk - she tried to explain, "Everyone knows about the God of the World as Myth.  For the past, oh, since forever, it has been more of a position than an actual god.  Whoever took the position eventually disappeared, until there was no gods left willing to take up the position." 

            Freddy grinned, "Fun, a dangerous job."

            Skuld laughed again, "That's just it!  It isn't.  They kept going on 'vacation' and would never been seen again.  Truth is that they would actually get so bored with the position that they would take up and leave!  Most of 'em gave up their own godhood just to get away from it.  The position allows for no advancement and do you know what the office does?

            "Uh, no, I don't."  He confessed.

            "Nothing!  That's it, absolutely nothing.  You probably will be head of your own department, but with absolutely no personnel or funding!"

            "Oh, well, that sounds... nice."  Actually Freddy had no idea of how it sounded.  Skuld could tell and smirked.

            There was a short pause before Skuld went back to the paper.  

            "Hmm, your recharge is cranberry juice and your travel medium is books."

            "Excuse me?"  He said a little startled.

            "Cranberry juice and books," she carefully repeated.  

            "'I see'," Freddy began, "said the Blind man."

            Skuld sighed and began explaining, "Normally gods and goddesses receive their power from all the living things on Midgard, but the Life Magic has to be processed by Yggradisal first.  However, whenever a god or goddesses is drained of magic, or isn't receiving properly, they have ways of recharging themselves.  It is basically a way of processing Life Magic without going through Yggradisal."

"'I see', said the Blind Man."  Freddy repeated.

Skuld frowned and continued, "And you're travel medium is how you can teleport.  I'll be teaching you how to do that soon enough.  Just make sure you don't try on your own!  It can be very dangerous!  Oh, we're here!"

            Freddy twisted around to catch sight of was she was referring to.  "Oh, a store?"

            "Not just any store!  It's Wal-mart!"

            "Wal-mart in Heaven?  How the Maker did you ever get a Wal-mart in here?"  He asked incredulously.

            "Well, it's actually for souls that committed minor sins.  Nothing bad enough to deserve Hell, so we have them work in the Wal-mart.  Come on.  Let's get what we need then go home.  I'm tired."

  


**Chapter 4**

            Belldandy enjoyed the morning.  There was the sun peeking over the horizon - promising a bright a cheery day, the dew glistening on the grass, the moving pile of shopping bags with legs...  Belldandy looked at Skuld and scolded, "Skuld, you should help Freddy carry his things.  And after all he is your apprentice.  You have to look for him."

            "No, it's alright, I've got it."  Freddy said, his voice somewhat muffled from behind the bags.  "Its only about forty pounds collectively." He estimated under his breath.  He caught a glance of Belldandy through a small opening left in the shopping bags.  "Good day and how are you?"

            "I'm well, thank you for asking."  Belldandy smiled pleasantly at what little of Freddy's face she could see.

            "He said he's alright."  Skuld said simply.  

            "Are you sure Freddy?"  Belldandy pressed the matter.  

            "So long as I don't have to go through that roller coaster ride again, I should be fine."  He navigated his way up the temple steps, following closely behind Skuld.  "And assuming none of the bags break."

            "Don't worry Big Sister!  I'll just have Freddy put everything in the temple; he'll be staying here for a while." 

            "Oh, in that case you should put everything in your room, Skuld."

            Skuld stopped at the top step and gave her sister a confused look; nearly causing Freddy to bump into her and lose his precarious hold over the bags.  "Huh?  Why?  I don't want his junk making a mess in my room."

            "Oh Skuld!"  Urd sang as she appeared in the entrance of the temple.  Freddy spied Urd's face through the shopping bags.  

            Scary!  She's got that look on her face again!  

            Maybe something interesting will happen?

            Quick, pretend I'm nothing more than a pile of shopping bags!  I don't want to become 'collateral damage!'

            Wait, don't girls usually want to investigate shopping bags?  

            He gave a nervous gulp.

            "What are you doing here, Urd?  Didn't the Almighty give you an assignment?"  From the suspicion in Skuld's voice, she obviously could tell that Urd was up to something.  Or maybe it was just her natural, sisterly, love being expressed through that tone of wariness?

            "Yeah, I already completed it though," she smiled, "And when I came home I saw your room and it was just so messy.  Since I had a little free time..."  She trailed off.

            "What did you do, Urd."  Skuld demanded.  Freddy tried to back off a couple of step - this was beginning to sound like the start of a fight - and nearly tripped over the temple steps.  A little juggling prevented losing his hold on the bags.

            Urd ignored Skuld and continued talking.  "So I went ahead and made up a love nest for you and Freddy!"

            "WHAT!!!"  Skuld exploded.  Said outburst startled Freddy so much that he jumped back, lost his footing, fell the rest of the way down the steps, losing his hold on the bags in the process.  He ended up in a heap at the bottom of the steps with the ground around him littered with items from the bags.  

            Freddy looked dazed from his position at the bottom of the steps.  "Err, did she just say 'love nest'?"  He asked, "I think I heard 'love nest'.  I'm pretty sure I heard 'love nest'."  He looked around at the goddesses with a frightful look and declared, "I think I'll run away now."  With said declaration he scrambled to his feet and took off away from the temple.

            *CLANG!* and ran head first into a robot.  He fell back with a bump already forming on his head, and his eyes crossed from the impact.

            Banpei, Skuld's robot and defender of the temple grounds was a short roundish affair with thin arms and legs.  It considered the figure that had bumped into it and leaned forward to properly scan it with its telescopic lenses.  

*BEEP*

LOCK ON     

TRACKING: AUTO

MODE: ATTACK

ATTACK MODE: ANTI-DEMON

*KCHAK*

Suddenly Banpei took off the large flat metal hat that topped his head and out popped several tubes.  

            At this moment Freddy managed to pull his senses back together.            Just in time to get a face full of good luck charms.  With a scream of pain Freddy collapsed again thankfully unconscious this time.  

**  
**

**Chapter 5**

            A small shadow hovered above the temple walls and eyed the temple and scowled.  Imp, named thus because it was an imp, was rather smallish thus making it all the more harder to other demons and even gods to sense.  

It couldn't enter the temple; it was not powerful enough to survive such an attempt.  However, it was more than powerful enough to eavesdrop on any conversations going on inside.

            The imp scowled again, it didn't like what it had heard this day.

            "What are you doing here?"  A rather annoyed voice demanded from behind.  The imp gave a small "eep" and spun around.

            "Oh, it's only you."  The imp relaxed as he saw Marller, a fellow demon that spend most of time trying (keyword being "trying") to cause trouble for the goddesses residing in this temple.  "I'm on a mission to learn more on the new god.  He is in there."  The imp indicated the temple.

            "So that's what I sensed!"  Marller frowned; a new god could mean trouble.  Having to deal with the three Norns was trouble enough.  "Which god is it?"

            "It is the new God of the World as Myth."

            Marller snorted, "That it?  Ha!  I won't have any trouble with him then.  By the way, who did they con into taking the job now?"

            "A mortal."

            "What!  That's not fair!  If they can make mortals gods than we should be able to make 'em demons too!"

            "My Lord has given that consideration, which is why he bid me to watch over this new god.  That is why he bid for me to request your help in this."

            "Really?  A Hell lord asking me for help?"  The wheels (what few that there were) were turning in Marller's head and churned out a simple equation.  Hell lord + favor = Promotion! "Whatever it is, I'll do it!"

            "Since it seems that the new god will be staying here, you will watch him.  Also give him some trouble; we don't want him looking good.  My Lord is prepare a small, ah, surprise for him that you will want to see.  And if the Norns are still around at that time, well, there'll be... trouble."

            "You can count on me!"  Marller smirked, "And put in a good word for me with your boss."

            "Right." The imp grimaced and vanished in a cloud of sulfurous smoke, returning to the pits of Hell to report his Lord.  

            Marller cackled evilly and turned to face the temple.  Ha!  Now I have a Hell Lord backing me!  Let's see you take me on now, Belldandy!  "Bwahahaha!" *Zap* Oh my, maybe she was making too much noise.

            Skuld peered out the temple door and called out, "Belldandy wanted me to ask if you're alright.  What just happened?"

            Urd grinned as she brought down her arm.  Marller was always fun to blast, and now with her restored powers, it was even more fun!  Wonder why she was just hovering over the wall though.  Maybe she's finally snapped?  "Don't sweat it Freddy, it was nothing to worry about at all...  Hey, is that thunder?"

  


**Chapter 6**

            The imp materialized before a large stone throne, "My Lord, it is done as you have commanded."

            Out from the shadows the hell lord leaned forward, his eyes glowing malevolently, "Good."  He hissed, "I'll be able to add another notch to my belt soon."

            The imp frowned, "But you don't have a belt."

            *Zap!*  

            The hell lord shook his head, "You've been with me for at least a few hundred years now.  You've seen me 'convince' at least a dozen different Gods of the Myth to leave their positions.  And you've heard me say that exact same thing each and every one of those times.  YET YOU KEEP REPLYING WITH THAT SAME STUPID COMMENT!"  The hell lord settled back in his seat and sighed, "You better be glad that life is boring enough that I'm content with only zapping you."  He waved the imp off, "Now drag yourself out of here.  This moral offers a great deal of opportunity for me."  And a chance to relieve this boredom "I'm going to have fun playing with him."  He shifted in his seat, trying to become more comfortable, "Damn, I'm bored.  Damn the idiot who thought up the idea of creating a job where all I do is try to counteract the actions of only one god!"  He shifted in the seat again, "And damn this chair as well!" 

            As the imp was pulled out by a couple of larger demons, the hell lord turned to the side of his chair.  He scowled into the opaque waters of a small pool, "I just wonder why I can't see anything about him.  Well, at least I've got that idiot Marller watching him for me so it should be all right."  He looked up suspiciously at the ceiling.  Maybe it was some demon getting a little rambunctious, but the thunder certainly was annoying.

  


***Author's Note***

            'Kay!  Got that done!  And boy, was that an adventure and a half.  I know it isn't long but I must have written and rewritten that thing entirely over at least twice, parts of it at least half a dozen times over.  I deleted half of it and wrote something entirely different.  Then I decided that it wasn't long enough and combined it with what I was planning on writing for my next part.  I'm going to have to completely rewrite my outline now (not that I have an outline).  I just don't know how to make this part any longer without going full out and including *everything* that I had planned for the next two parts.  What kept from posting this long ago was my indecision, I wanted to make this longer, but I didn't know how to.  

            Anyway, I just wanted to say a few things, make some things clear.  First, I'm writing this with only one audience in mind - me.  I'm writing this to have a bit of fun and to learn how to write.  I know that I am not good, in fact, I'm probably pretty bad.  I hope to correct that with this.  

            Second, "zark" is basically my substitution for swearing or slang.  I use it to mean anything from "darn" to "cool" to "amazing" to "freaky".  I do the same thing with "vack" which you may see once in a while, though "vack" has a stronger tone.  You may also see me bring in German and Korean words every once in awhile.  I take German at school and my mother is Korean, I've picked up a little of both.  When I use them, I'll write the English translation next to it in { }.

            Third, I love Self Inserts.  SIs are really great, I spend my waking hours scouring the internet for SIs, I think a well-done SIs are the greatest.  I've read SIs by Brett Handy, Chris Angel, Greg Sharpe, Twister, Skysaber, and other greats.  I just hope that I can write something that is passable and won't get me ostracized by my friends and fellow authors.  

            Fourth, uh, I forget my fourth.  I know I had one though.

            Fifth, I'm not gonna have any romance between me and anyone else though I'll have Urd trying to push me and Skuld together despite the age difference (How old is Skuld anyway?).  I'm an Anime fan, a verified bookworm, and geek (though I am an athletic geek!), not a can't write about what I don't know, though if I wanted to I probably could make it up as I went along.

This brings us to my next point.

            Sixth, I am making up a lot of this as I go along simply because I don't know enough to work only from what I do know.  I've only seen a couple of the OMG tapes and read only a couple of the graphic novels and I've pretty much forgotten it all.  If I do make some errors that just don't work or the characters are just totally vacked, I urge to you email me with an insulting flame that mocks my heritage, my clothes, and anything else you can think of.  Pain makes me stronger!

            Seventh, this ain't going to be the final draft of this chapter.  I just know it.


	3. Chapter 12

Story's Start At Last: Chapter 12

An 'Oh My Goddess' self-insertion fanfic

By Freddy Isnot (AKA Freddy)

The sun was rising in the sky and burning away the dew laid down by the night. It was the time for students across Japan to wake for school. In the small temple, a student for Nekomi Institute of Technology was just getting up.

A bleary-eyed Keiichi Morisato dragged himself out of his futon. Shorter than even the average Japanese male, he cut an unassuming figure in his pajamas as he stretched and shook sleep from his muscles.

"Ugh," Keiichi plodded out of his room still groggy, "that homework was hell last night. I'm not even sure I got enough sleep."

Making his way into the dining room, hoping for a cup of hot tea, Keiichi noted Skuld worrying over a pile of mecha parts, fine, that was normal, Urd with an opened bottle, a bit earlier than usual for Urd to hit the sake, but still within the realms of normality. Then he noticed the unconscious guy comfortably lying on the futon in the middle of the floor, "Who is th... Wait a minute!" He took at closer look, "Those markings on his face, he's a god isn't he?" Keiichi slumped a little muttering, "Not another one. I hope he won't live here too."

Skuld looked up from where Banpei, her personal robot, was partially disassembled "This is Freddy, he's my new apprentice debugger." She shot a dirty look at Urd, "And he will be staying in the guest room." She returned her attention to examining a small microchip carefully.

"Why me? I didn't wish for all these other people to stay with me." Keiichi lamented. When he had received his own wish, he had wished for Belldandy, and he was still dealing with the consequences of that wish: three goddesses living under the same roof as him. One of said goddesses, Urd, snuck up from behind and pounced on him.

"Ack!"

Urd began toying with Keiichi's hair, "Listen Keiichi," It was that voice. The low, husky, sultry voice that had men trembling in anticipation. The voice Urd could employ with frightening ability, "I know you don't want him here," A playful tug on Keiichi's collar," but it will be fine, really. I can make sure that he will keep Skuld distracted so you and Bell can have some time alone. If you know what I mean."

"Uhh..."

"But if you really don't want him here I'm sure Skuld would be more than happy to keep bothering you."

"Uh..." Keiichi's mind conflicted with the concept of having a time alone with Belldandy and with having yet another boarder in the temple and with having an oh-so very female figure pressing against him. "That could... good."

At that moment Belldandy entered the room carrying a tray filled with breakfast. Urd abandoned Keiichi's side in favor of food, leaving Keiichi in a very confused state of mind.

As the smell of food wafted into the room Freddy's breathing altered slightly, and Skuld looked expectantly into his face.

"Awake?" she said questioning in a tone.

In response to Skuld's voice Freddy's eyes snapped open and Skuld glimpsed a flash of red irises before they immediately shut again as his face grimaced. Startled Skuld jerked back.

"He's awake." She commented deciding the red was a trick of the light.

With a hand to his forehead, Freddy slowly pushed himself to a sitting position and groaned, "Ow, why does this always happen to me?"

Bell looked concerned as she asked, "Are you alright, Freddy?"

He looked up at her, "What?" and blinked a couple times, "You're all goddesses!" He gasped in shock.

Skuld sighed, "Yes, we went over this before. Remember, Freddy?"

Freddy leapt to his feet and fled the room screaming.

Urd peered out the newly made hole in the door, "What's with him?"

At the first open doorway he leaped in and slammed and locked the door behind him.

'WHY CAN'T I CONTROL MY BODY?' Freddy shouted in his own head, panicking. He had woken up to discover himself running through the hallway of the temple.

"SHUT UP!" his body shouted, "I have to figure out what is going on. There aren't suppose to be any goddesses here..." he looked around, "We aren't at your home. What happened when I fell unconscious?"

'S...stop it! Get out! GET OUT!!'

Freddy's body frowned, "Relax Freddy, if anyone should be panicking it should be me. I'm stuck in a house with three goddesses."

'Oh Maker, help me. I'm possessed, mind control, the conspiracy theorists were right, they were all right!' He whimpered and mentally curled up in a ball.

"Freddy, pull yourself together. I need to know what happened."

Who are you? What are you? How did you get--"

"I'm Mal, Demon Fourth Class, Limited License."

'You're a DEMON? What!! OUT! OUTOUTOUTOUTOUT!!'

"Arrgh! Stop this right now! Maybe I should just leave." Freddy's face took a look of concentration which faded into surprise. "I... I can't leave. What the hell?" He began to look frantic, "Great, now I'm panicking too!"

A knock came from the door and Skuld's voice came from the other side, "Freddy? Are you okay?"

"We gotta get out of here!" With that declaration Freddy's body wavered blurring like an open flame before transforming from the head-down into a thick, churning, sulfurous smoke that was sucked down an open drainpipe in the floor.


End file.
